an earthen vessel and a lump of clay

These are some things that God has been working in me for months. At the retreat, He really solidified these things in my heart.

I tend to try too hard to follow Jesus. I try to do things in my own strength. I keep slipping into the subconscious mindset that it's up to me to follow Jesus, that it's up to me to grow and to make a difference. God really worked in that area of my life this week. Christianity isn't about my efforts. It's about Christ. And it's "Christ in you, the hope of glory." Praise God--it's not up to me!

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." --2 Corinthians 4:7

Other versions say "earthen vessels." The main thing God really brought home to me was that that is what I am. An earthen vessel. Made from dust. But that's not the point. The point is the treasure inside--Christ. And the power belongs to God. Not to me.

Last year, I was praying one night when God gave me a word picture. He said to imagine a vase or a pitcher, sitting on a table. It's a nice decoration, right? Maybe a centerpiece? Either way, it definitely draws attention to itself. Now imagine that same vase or pitcher filled with gold and rubies. Suddenly, the vase is no longer important in and of itself. The contents are of supreme worth. The vase becomes merely a vessel in which to hold the treasure. It's not important anymore.

I believe that this is a picture of how my life should look. The Bible tells me that I'm an earthen vessel. A jar of clay. This doesn't mean that I'm worthless or cheap--I'm a ransomed, beloved daughter of the King of the universes, formed by His hands and precious in His eyes. But I'm still an earthen vessel, made of dust. I'm here to display the supreme worth of Christ. He is the treasure. He holds the power.

I appreciate Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of this verse (in the Message//Remix version):

"If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us." 2 Corinthians 4:7

Another word picture God gave me this weekend was from Jeremiah, where He tells Jeremiah to go down to the potter's house. God tells him that He's the Potter and Israel is the clay. The analogy isn't quite the same for me, but God is the Potter in my life. He gently showed me that I'm a lump of clay. Does the lump of clay turn itself into a beautiful vessel? Is it responsible for shaping itself? No. That's the Potter's job. And God showed me that it's His job to mold me and shape me and grow me in His ways. I need to trust Him to do this in me.

Now that doesn't exempt me from personal responsibility for my walk with Jesus. I have a job too (I'll get to that in a minute). But it relieves me of such a burden! My relationship with Jesus doesn't depend on how hard I try. It doesn't rely on the little strength I can muster. God is the treasure and I am the earthen vessel--the surpassingly great power is His. He's the Potter and I am the clay. My job is not to shape myself. My job isn't to grow myself. That's God's job. He will be faithful to shape me into the girl He wants me to be. I don't have to worry about that.

My job is threefold--first comes trust. I have to trust God fully. No two ways around it. This is something God has been working in me a lot over the last few years. A big part of it is that He's opening my eyes to the greatness of His love. It's amazing! God's brought me to this place, where I want to trust Him fully. My life belongs in His hands. If everything was left up to me, I wouldn't do a very good job of living. In fact, my life would be a mess!

But everything's not up to me. I can trust the One who "loved me, and gave Himself for me." What it comes down to is a conscious, day-by-day, moment-by-moment choice to place my trust--all of it--in God alone. Not in myself. He is worthy of my trust.

The second thing I need to do is surrender. As a lump of clay, I have to trust the nail-scarred hands of my Potter. If I try to run and hide and resist His touch, I'll never become the living fulfillment of His beautiful plan for me. I have to surrender and give myself completely to God. Every part of me. Every day of my life.

I've struggled with surrender for a long time. I've known for years that God desired my complete and total surrender. It took me a long time to get to the place where I was willing. I gradually surrendered, more and more, until World Mandate (a missions conference) where God opened my eyes and I saw that this life is not worth living at all without Jesus. And that's far more than a cliche. It's the raw and painfully beautiful Truth. With a capital T.

At that point, I gave myself completely to God and His purposes, whatever they may be. It was hard. It was painful. But I wouldn't have my life any other way. I find so much joy in this place! But total surrender isn't just a one-time choice. It's a daily dying to self. Some days it's really hard for me (okay, a lot of days). Sometimes I just don't feel like it. But surrender is worth it. Jesus is worth my surrender.

The third thing I need to do is obey. That flows out of my trust and surrender. If I am truly living in a place of total surrender, trusting God completely, I will obey His Word and the prompting of His Spirit. And it won't always be easy. In fact, it will rarely be easy. But obedience is worth it, because Christ is worthy of my life.

God is so good. I've been somewhat confused lately about what I should do--the practical outworking of following Jesus. I was trying to do it in my own strength. That doesn't work. I am so grateful to the Lord for what He's been doing. He's released me from the pressure I wasn't meant to carry. He is a great God, and He is big enough to handle my small life. I don't even have to worry about it, because this isn't about me. It's about JESUS. All I need to do is Trust. Surrender. Obey. This is how I want to live my life.