I am just so...happy with life today. Not happy as in laughterlaughterjoyjoy, although a little of that, but more of a peace and contentedness.
The Bible reading project--journey--is moving forward. I hit some speed bumps along the way. I've learned that if I try to start reading forty-five chapters at 1:30AM, I probably won't finish them all. I skipped a few days catching up on sleep, got hung up in Deuteronomy. But now I'm back on track and consuming great portions of the Word in a sitting, and I just feel so, so blessed. Just to have the Bible is a miracle. Its complexity, enough to study my whole life and never come to an end, is reassuring. The God portrayed therein, breathing through the words, is mighty and glorious and Love. It is good. He is good.
This month, the mp3 version of Misty Edwards' album Relentless is on sale at Amazon.com. a $5 download. I've put it on my ipod and the choruses have been running through my head a lot lately, which keeps me focused. I love it. I love my God.
I'm sitting in front of a computer anticipating doing one of the things that excites me most--studying nursing. My books are arriving in the mail, they are heavy with promise of knowledge to seek out. I flipped through my Anat. & Phys. textbook last night and I absolutely cannot wait to study again. The intricacy of the human body astounds me.
While I'm anticipating that, I'm doing the other thing that excites me. I'm editing photos, having recently had the privilege of shooting a friend's engagement pictures. Also I have some senior portraits to take next week and I'm excited about that, thankful for the opportunities and loving them. My goodness. When I finish the engagement ones, I have two sets of just my own photos to work on. Inspiration has re-awakened and I'm so thrilled.
I remember how stressed I was about choosing either photography or nursing. As it's turned out, God's lavished upon me the best of both worlds--trauma nursing as a career pursuit, and photography on the side. Which I like better anyway. His plan's being revealed and it's so utterly perfect for me and my personality that it's hard NOT to be excited. I used to think that God's will was this elusive thing that I probably wouldn't like as much as my own ideas but that I'd be obligated to follow. I thought it'd be hard to find and complicated. Actually, it was merely a matter of moving forward in life, of being close to God and making the decisions that led to peace and joy. God's plan isn't this hard, complicated task we must find and painfully maneuver our way through, squeezing our lives into the mold of God's Will. It's not like that at all. It's a matter of knowing why you were made and of walking in it; of doing the things that you're passionate about for the sake of He who instilled that passion within you. It's a matter of confidence and grace and wisdom, but not something to stress over of to fear. Because God's will is what we were made to do, and it is fulfilling that that brings joy. Just something I've been thinking about.
So I'm sitting here in the computer lab down the row from a middle-school age girl who is lipsynching to whatever's playing on her headphones--Jonas Brothers?--while shopping for school uniforms online. She smells faintly reminiscent of Polynesian sauce and it's making me hungry. I have a dollar fifty in my wallet--I've been avoiding spending money lately unless it's cash, because I REALLY WANT MY MACBOOK. But I have this dollar fifty and I'm thinking about whether I want to go get a Reese's 3 pack out of the vending machine across the hall, or save it and have a Caffe Verona, black, at Starbucks in the morning. Starbucks is winning. Thinking about the rest of the world...how privileged I am just to have a dollar fifty in my wallet and such a decision to make.
I'll go running tonight, when the sun sinks low. I've been consistently working out and generally being healthy lately, and it feels great. I get to ride my mom's old Schwinn bicycle, from when she was in college. It is one classy ride, the long curves of the frame a deep blue. I can't wait to be riding around campus, books in my basket, the leaves falling and my cardigan actually comfortable in the cool fall weather.
Judging from this week's heat index and severe heat warnings, this dream amy take awhile to come true.
I'll be back at Circle of Friends camp this weekend. I was thinking the other day about how much I've grown and how much has changed in my life since August camp last year. I feel like I've gotten to know myself this year, grown comfortable in my own skin. I've learned crazy huge lessons, walked through some difficult times, and I have known joy. I'm embarking on a new journey in...let's see...one week. :) College is going to be amazing. It's going to be hard and complicated and crazy and weird sometimes, but that's life and overall it's exciting.
I am loved and I am happy.