Seeking Jesus

Now that I finally have a chance to blog, I hardly know what to say! God is so good, and He has been working so much in my life. I've always known that spending time with God is important. However, I haven't done it much. Last summer, I began to get serious about spending time daily in the Lord's presence. In the first apartment, my brothers and I shared a bedroom. Therefore, I had my God times in the evenings, after my brothers were asleep and the apartment was quiet. I would climb into the closet and perch on top of the dresser with my Bible and journal, a tiny flashlight suspended from the hanger rod above me. As you can probably imagine, I had a hard time being consistent with this method. However, it allowed me to meet with God, and I had some really sweet times in His presence. In the second apartment, the boys slept in the living room on the couches. This made God times much easier for me, since I had the office to myself. I stayed up late most nights, reading and praying and journaling to God. I loved it! But when we left the apartment, school was beginning. Therefore, I was unable to stay up late and sleep till 10 every morning. My God times began to taper off, until I hardly thought about them. Eventually, I realized my error, and started trying to do them again--but they just got "tacked on" just before bed. I would read a few verses just before I went to sleep, mainly to appease the guilt I felt. Eventually I realized that I was starving my spirit, and I knew I couldn't fix my problems. I longed to know the Lord, but I was unable to seek Him in my own strength. But God, in His all-surpassing love and abundant grace, drew my heart to a place of conviction and change. Here's an excerpt from my journal:

"Through the blood of His Son, God has blessed me with the awesome privilege of knowing Him. God has ransomed me with His very life. Who am I to refuse Him one hour of my day?...I know that seeking God in His Word is necessary to my spirit. But I still neglect God-times. I turn away from meeting God so that I can sleep longer. What a tragedy! How foolish I have been, to think that sleep will benefit me more than the Word of God!"

John Piper says that entering the day without a serious meeting with God is like entering a battle without tending to your weapons, or taking a trip without gassing up the vehicle. It simply doesn't work! I felt that God was leading me to seek Him in the morning, so I asked Him for grace and strength to resist the temptation to go back to bed. And on January 9th, by God's grace, I got up at 6:15 and spent an hour in the presence of the Lord. Oh, it was so refreshing and sweet! God showed me that I could bless His heart by arising early in the morning to seek Him. I wrote this:

"I have been given the opportunity to sacrifice the fleshly pleasure of sleeping in, exchanging it for the true spiritual joy of seeking and finding the Lord, of knowing Him, of soaking in His presence...What a precious gift!"

And it is a gift! The sweetest hours of my day are truly those first two, spent at the feet of Jesus in His word and prayer.

May God bless you with a renewed desire to behold His face!