an adventure, my heart, and a social experiment

Over the past fourteen days, I've had the joy of being in a musical at a local children's theater. I played the part of Zhang, an ancestor, in Mulan Jr.

The adventure officially began with my audition, which included performing a monologue and singing a song. The singing part was definitely a huge step out of the box for me. I got a little nervous and my knees started shaking, which was pointedly embarrassing because I wore a skirt that made it obvious. Also my song had a lot more vibrato then it did when I had practiced. But I survived, and overcame a big challenge for myself, and made it into the musical, too!

We practiced every weeknight and all day Saturday, our two weeks culminating in a series of four performances. I learned so much about acting, and performing, and speaking loudly, which was also a challenge because it's not something I normally do. I had to learn to shout like an army general, "I LOVE ARMIES, ARMIES COME MARCHING IN, LET'S STOMP THOSE FEET SOLDIERS!"

I've never participated in theater before, and so each new experience was unique and for the most part exciting. Two days before our first performance, we started having dress rehearsals, and I got to wear a grey wig with a long robe and some pretty intense makeup. Wearing stage makeup was really fun. I had latex applied over my eyebrows to make them disappear, then my whole face was painted pale grey with some serious black eyeshadow, stylized eyebrows, and black lipstick. I would never ever ever wear makeup like that normally, but I certainly enjoyed it just for the play. I also made a lot of new friends and learned to be a statue.

Mulan Jr. is a fantastic musical, and the performances were a lot of fun. A mentally challenged girl came to our third show. She sat in the front row and laughed with pure delight at every pun and joke and goofy thing we did. And something happened inside of me, and I sat straighter and acted better and poured myself into the performance like I never have before, and it suddenly became the most amazing privilege to perform just for the girl, and create so much delight for her.

That's definitely something God has worked in my heart. Five years ago I don't think it would have been such a big deal or privilege. But that performance was definitely my favorite. Performing for her was somehow better than performing for royalty. And that's hard to explain, but it was amazing and brought joy to my heart every time she laughed.

After that performance, a group of cast and crew went to a local coffeehouse. I didn't take off my makeup, because it would have taken a long time and my face would have been streaky with gray, and I would have had to smear that nasty cold cream all over it. Pretty much disgusting. So I went to the coffeehouse with my normal-looking friends in my intense makeup and my normal clothes, and it was a rather interesting spontaneous social experiment.

I had also gone to the deli restaurant wearing the makeup, and one thing I noticed was that the people at the counter (both there and at the coffeeshop) didn't react to the makeup at all. They were just as polite, taking my order, and looking me in the eyes. I'm sure that treating people with equality is a critical factor in working in a restaurant.

But the other people in the coffeeshop and deli acted a little differently. This was not surprising, considering my makeup (refer back to photo at top). Sometimes they'd look at me like they couldn't figure out what I was trying to do, like they were thinking "uhhhmmm...okaaay. " Some people would look rather surprised at my unorthodoxically radical face, and one lady in particular was shocked. She was talking with the person next to me, and I said something, and she looked at me and gasped and said "OHMYGOSH!" It was actually quite amusing. I never get reactions like that, because I usually look so...normal. Not intense or Goth or emo. Also, an older lady kept staring at me from across the coffeehouse. She looked quite disapproving and stern, as if she was thinking "WHAT is the world coming to? Gosh. Teens these days. Her mother should NOT allow her out like that in public. What is that girl's PROBLEM?!" I knew she was staring at me and so I smiled at her, and she half-jumped and flashed a startled little smile back at me. It was SO funny.

So I thought about it some, and I realized that sometimes I feel awkward around people who look different than I do. So often it's easier to pretend that they're not there than it is to be nice, and smile or say good morning. And I got a taste of that, that evening. Looking so extraordinarily extreme helped me realize that I need to make a bigger effort to treat everyone the same. Sometimes I do say hi, or smile. But sometimes I just don't do anything. And I wondered how people feel, who wear makeup like that all the time, or who look different in an attempt to convey a message or a belief. I can't imagine how lonely it must be to feel almost inhuman, with everyone staring or pretending they can't even see you. Like you're trapped within a shell that nobody is willing to look past.

So God used my one night's spontaneous social experiment to teach me an important lesson. I don't fully understand why people choose to dress in Gothic or other radical ways. But just because it's not something I would do doesn't give me a legitimate reason to ignore people. There is no legitimate reason to pretend people don't exist, or treat them as lesser than others. God made them too. And I want to make an effort to be more gracious and kind to people in general, regardless of how they may look on the outside.