artistic liberation, part one

When I was small, I always loved to draw and color pictures. Mom called me "the artist of the family." I had a flowery folder "portfolio" with all my drawings in it, and I hoped that someday, I would be a true artist, with a real black leather portfolio full of exquisite and wonderful drawings.

As I got older, I began to be slightly frustrated because my drawings weren't as good as other people's. I took art classes, which bolstered my confidence. I learned so much and enjoyed those a lot, and I still dreamed of being able to draw and paint wonderfully. 

However, over the last few years, I became increasingly dissatisfied with my artistic attempts. I didn't feel that I was a terrible artist. I still enjoyed drawing and painting, etc. My problem was that what appeared on the paper never quite matched the loveliness waltzing through my head. So I mostly stopped trying.

 

When God so kindly released my heart from my frustration with my own imperfections, school had just started and I was enrolled in an art class. I found that, as I became content with being a flawed human, realizing that my flaws can emphasize His perfection, God also released me from my crippling artistic frustration and gave me contentment, joy, and freedom from perfection. 

One day I pulled out my sketchbook and scribbled all over a page with Sharpies, writing in sloppy capitals, "IT'S MY SKETCHBOOK...SO I'LL SCRIBBLE IF I WANT TO!" It was an exercise in liberation, even though I'm not really the type who greatly enjoys scribbling. I used to tear out sketchbook pages that I didn't feel measured up. No more, I say!

Art class has been so much fun lately. I feel so free and liberated to try drawing or painting whatever I want. And because I'm not stressed or frustrated, it doesn't really matter whether or not the product matches my imaginings. Even if I don't like the final outcome, I will have enjoyed the process.

I find inspiration everywhere. In books, in other people's work, in museums, in nature, etc. I have become so much more artistically adventuresome as a result of this wonderful liberation. I have such a delightful time, just imagining and letting that flow through my fingers. It still doesn't often come out the way I had imagined it, but I'm learning not to plan a mental diagram anyway. I like being flexible, going with the flow, and then I get to be pleasantly surprised at the end.

I recently painted a bunch of carrots in watercolor, just because I like them, and then I drew all over them in black ink. I am enormously pleased. Here they are:

I'm still not a great artist, or even highly skilled at what I do. But I'm growing, and enjoying, and learning about things that are deeper than just my pencil swirling over my paper...

(Read Part 2)